Where Fairies and Ladybugs Spring Forth

In the hills overlooking the bay, on New Years Day I spotted this fountain of ladybugs in a decaying log and I was so thrilled! I guess it's not that unusual, but to me I felt like I had found a mysterious fountain of magic and fairies. I hiked with Jasper through the hills, going from dry chaparral, to moist redwoods, and through groves of eucalyptus. I was hiking alone because Bill and Annie wanted to sloth around the house, and I felt very argumentative about it and weepy. So I went alone. Well, except for Jasper. He led the way, never going too far from me, always turning around to see where I was. Love him. It was mushroom madness up in the Oakland hills! I think I spotted more varieties of mushrooms than I've ever spotted in one hike before. It felt wonderful to just breath and to walk in the woods.

Other than that, this is at least the third draft I've started in as many days for this post and blah, blah, blah. I'm not focused at all. What am I wanting to say?? A bunch of stuff that feels important, and nothing tangible at all. I'm struggling within about all matters...creative, domestic, existential, and anything else you can come up with. I'm not finding pleasure in the places I usually do. Even my blog isn't lighting me up as it usually does. My solution? Going very gently with myself (my mother would be proud), and giving myself a break, trying to have fun and not panic. I know clarity will come, and until then I will not add to my suffering.