Thursday, January 3, 2008

Where Fairies and Ladybugs Spring Forth

In the hills overlooking the bay, on New Years Day I spotted this fountain of ladybugs in a decaying log and I was so thrilled! I guess it's not that unusual, but to me I felt like I had found a mysterious fountain of magic and fairies. I hiked with Jasper through the hills, going from dry chaparral, to moist redwoods, and through groves of eucalyptus. I was hiking alone because Bill and Annie wanted to sloth around the house, and I felt very argumentative about it and weepy. So I went alone. Well, except for Jasper. He led the way, never going too far from me, always turning around to see where I was. Love him. It was mushroom madness up in the Oakland hills! I think I spotted more varieties of mushrooms than I've ever spotted in one hike before. It felt wonderful to just breath and to walk in the woods.

Other than that, this is at least the third draft I've started in as many days for this post and blah, blah, blah. I'm not focused at all. What am I wanting to say?? A bunch of stuff that feels important, and nothing tangible at all. I'm struggling within about all matters...creative, domestic, existential, and anything else you can come up with. I'm not finding pleasure in the places I usually do. Even my blog isn't lighting me up as it usually does. My solution? Going very gently with myself (my mother would be proud), and giving myself a break, trying to have fun and not panic. I know clarity will come, and until then I will not add to my suffering.


5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wise decision...all chaos eventually leads to peace...

Project Pink Suitcase said...

Yep, we all have those moments. I have many moments like that, but soon enough something sparks my interest again...like ladybugs.
It's nice to get to see so many ladybugs.

Anonymous said...

What magic? I have never seen that many ladybugs in nature, only gardening catalogs. Lucky you to get a view into the wild!!!

Catching Fireflies said...

Good idea to be patient with yourself. Can you believe I have never heard that advice? I like it.

What a wonderful discovery with the ladybugs. It was a special present for those willing to walk.

2begin2 said...

I have been feeling the same way - I took blog-time off during the holidays to soak in having my children home and I just have felt a combination of lost in manymany thoughts and feeling clarity in so many things that I can't put words to. Somehow I feel you understand. I need to find my 'ladybugs & mushrooms' to inspire me :)
Until then my blogs will suffer, so to speak, and will have to wait until words flow again.